We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
