dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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