Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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