I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
