My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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