i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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