you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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