You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
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Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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