omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
