sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
