I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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