so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
