i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
