I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
