Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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