Im at strip club and am horny
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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