If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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