I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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