he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
