I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
