I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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