Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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