true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
