I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
