So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
