I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
