so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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