Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
