Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
