giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
