i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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