you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
