We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
