Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
