You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
