Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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