she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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