I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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