You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
