Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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