He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
