I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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