is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
