made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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