its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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