You're completely useless in the revolution.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
