I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
