Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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