a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
