Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
