Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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