i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
