So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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