I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
