I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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