I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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