after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
