I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize