I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
