Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
