how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
