He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
