No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
